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The wrong kind of 🔥
The first time I quit my CEO job was in June 2020. Three months into the pandemic. Two months after I had to lead a company downsize and close the investment round that gave Textio a fighting chance -- on the same day. One month after George Floyd. A couple weeks after our oldest kid had to have her graduation ceremony virtually. I was exhausted.
Without planning it, I found myself on a board call, overwhelmed beyond any reasonable limit. I heard myself say that we needed to find another CEO, words I never imagined myself saying. Everyone on the board was in their own little zoom box, isolated in their own houses. I felt the tears rolling down my face.
But as overwhelmed as I felt in that moment, it took me three and a half more years to step down for real.
Stress is not the same as burnout
Psychologist Lisa Damour argues that sadness is not the same as lack of mental health; sometimes sadness is an absolutely healthy reaction to bad things happening. Similarly, stress is not the same as burnout. Stress can be a normal reaction to difficult circumstances. Burnout is when you no longer feel the ability and/or desire to manage the difficulty.
When I considered leaving my job in 2020, I was acutely stressed, but I wasn't burned out. Burnout is what happened over the next few years when I didn't do enough to change the causes of my stress.
I did many good things to take care of myself during this time. I exercised and mostly ate well. I worked with both a therapist and a coach. I turned off phone notifications, I went on social media hiatuses, and I took breaks from work. But there's more I wish I'd done and didn't know that I could. I've worked with quite a few coaching clients who have a similar struggle.
Here's what I wish I'd done.
#1: Say no
Why did I agree to support an executive in starting a project with an outside consultant that I knew the team didn't have the energy or skill to follow through on?
Why did I agree to speak at a major industry event that I suspected wouldn't yield any value for Textio or for me personally? Why did I do this when I knew it would drain me?
Why did I let people have unstructured 1-1s where I served more as therapist than manager? Why did I let them do this week after week?
The list of things I agreed to where I could and should have said no is long and painful. The yeses caused me problems both short-term and later on.
I didn't realize that you have to say a lot of small Nos in order to continue to say Yes. Energy is a zero sum game, and I too often spent mine without a budget.
#2: Do stuff just for fun
When you're stressed with a zillion things to do, even normally fun things begin to feel like tasks you don't have time for. But when you're beyond stressed and on the road to burnout, the idea of gathering the energy to do something fun is almost impossible.
I wish I'd pushed through this more often. The startup cost of seeing friends or heading out for a Saturday afternoon adventure rather than doing work felt untenably high. But every time I pushed though and did it, I felt happier and more energized.
#3: Do stuff just for fun, at work
Once Textio was beyond early stage, many of the moments I enjoyed most as CEO were in the bonus work I took on just because it was fun for me. I ran a SaaS bootcamp to walk the team through metrics fundamentals. I offered a workshop for Textios who wanted to build their data writing skills. I ran a six-week course to help senior ICs and new managers think through which path was a better fit for them.
These projects were good for Textio, and they were great for me. They often had a strong teaching component, which is so clearly a happy and effective place for me to operate. I wish I had given myself permission to approach more of my job through this lens, even the parts where another CEO might not have.
#4 Recognize that it isn't just going to get better next month
I often found myself saying, "The end is in sight. Things will get better..."
- ... as soon as the quarter closes
- ... when we're done with the fundraise
- ... after I build the leadership team
- ... as soon as I'm done with this run of travel
- ... once this project wraps up
Amazingly, every time I passed one of these milestones, another set of stressors neatly slotted in to take its place. The details changed a little, but the feelings didn't. That's because the feelings weren't caused by the specific events that were going on; they were caused by my sense of endless, isolating responsibility.
I don't know a founder who doesn't feel the weight of this responsibility. Success does not make this better; the more successful your organization becomes, the heavier the weight can feel. The Silicon Valley norm is to only discuss positive things, so few people talk about this. But I know enough founders to know that everyone feels it.
Burnout doesn't get better on its own. It doesn't have to mean quitting your job! But it only gets better if you take action to change something meaningful about your circumstances.
What do you think?
Thanks for reading!
Kieran
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